Damn, I Love You!

And I mean it, to the core. I love you and I lost my word.

You is enough

August, 29th 2017

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Invisible Me

Who am I?

Who am I for you? your loved one yet you out of my hand

When we are in front of everybody.

Who am I?

Who am I for you? your dearly darling that become to be just a friend

When we met the friends of yours.

Who am I?

Who am I for you?

Keeping your heart but got to let it loose, because we need to walk side by side, but not hand in hand.

Who am I?

Who am I for you?

I know the answer. And I hate to keep it myself.


Menggugat

Entah apa yang harus ku gugat? Kepada siapa? Kenapa?

Aku sedang mempertanyakan cinta. Mencoba sok tau menelisik ke sudut2 arti dan pemahaman. Tapi aku berhadapan dengan cinta, yang kupahami. Mereka bilang itu adalah hal abstrak. Aku sudah tak sempat lagi mencari jawaban pasti. Terlalu banyak teori.

Aku berhadapan dengan cinta,milikku katanya tidak realistis. Padahal, ketika kita berciuman, tangan kita bergandengan, semuanya terjadi dan aku juga dia ada di situ, merasakan sensasinya, di pegang ada, tidak hilang seperti kabut.. Pooff!. Tapi tetap, katanya cintaku di luar batas normal, tidak benar.

Kalau memang tidak realistis. Sekedar cari2 sensasi. Aku melihat hatiku kali ini. Membayangkan tidak bersamanya. Harusnya biasa2 saja. Tapi…

Pelan, tapi dalam. Sakitnya menyebar, mencengkram erat. Sampai sesak.

Padahal..

Aku cuma sedang mebayangkan bermain2 dengan imaji. Asumsi2 bodoh membunuhku pelan2.

Kusudahkan saja semua. Sehari dua hari mungkin aku sanggup berdiri sambil tetap tersenyum. Tapi lebih dari itu. Maaf, tubuhku menolak walau mampu.

Cinta, duh aku sedang apatis tentang yang satu itu. Menyadari sedang di cintai begitu dalam tapi ternyata ada selah yang mungkin pasti akan terjadi. Yang akan melukai hati ini. Aku sedang tidak sedang memilih. Sudah lewat masa itu. Sudah berusaha tenang, tapi tak membuat senang. Kembali saja jadi aku sebelumnya.

Mencintai dengan menggebu2, walau mungkin akan menyakiti. Karna dalam bayanganku. Ketika dia memberi hatinya padaku. Aku menggenggamnya dengan kedua tanganku. Tapi saking takutnya aku kalau hati itu akan terluka. Ku eratkan genggamanku, mencoba mnjaga sekuatku . Tanpa ku sadar, hatinya koyak di beberapa bagian,semakin keras, semakin rusak lalu hilang. Seperti katamu. Cinta bisa hilang ketika caraku mencintaimu membuatmu takut. Terganggu. Mencintaimu dengan caraku belum tentu sesuai dengan harapanmu bagaimana ingin di cintai.

Ah.. Sudah terlalu rumit. Sudahi saja. Aku mencintaimu. Sampai habis masaku. Sampai kesempatan tak lagi berpihak padaku. Gugatan kubatalkan. Masalah aku suka caramu mencntaiku. Sayang, aku tak perduli walau kadang menyakitkan. Merasa di cintai walau dengan cara yang salahpun tetap terasa sedang dicintai.

Selamat pagi. Aku mencintaimu.

4/3


It’s Worst Than Numb

I don’t know what else to say, I have no words to describe. It’s more than hurting inside, I can’t feel it.

Love.. complicated. I keep saying I’m in it. And I’m still in it. I  can’t let myself go. I don’t want to go.

It might hurt me. Or even kill me. For this I become idiot. For this I loose my mind. For my heart I loose myself.

But I’m here. I don’t plan to go any where. I stay. And I hope you stay. I have no words to say.

I’ll go as far as I can. Till you can’t have me. Because I don’t know what to do.

 

 

*overly dramatic caused by assumption.

1/3/17

 

 


I’m Not Sharing You

I’m not sharing you

That’s how I know about love, a whole, if I have to share it, I don’t know what to call that.

That’s how I know about love, if there’s a second, so you are not the first one, a step stone? Aah.. Too rude to call that

That’s how I know about love, again, I am a selfish lover.

28/2


Burn

I’ll burn myself just to love and be loved by you. 

I adore you baby, I am proud standing next to you, I love to see you do your things, I just can’t put my eyes, out of you. Can’t put anyone else, above you, can’t stop smiling just by a flash remembering you, making my frown upside down just by seeing your name.

I’m in trouble, and I knew it long before. I knew I love you, I took my chance

I love you, and I love you


Write About You

​I want to write about us, but remembering what you said this morning about you being an  accessories in my life and me bursting back saying that’s a joke, because even to hold your hand in public seems impossible. I hold my pen, ah.. My thumb on my phone.
I want to write about us, but again, I can’t find the perfect words to describe us. You are my life that’s for sure, but that is not enough. This wave you send, drowning me too deep. This pouring love that we have, need a better word to describe.
I want to write about us. And I remember, some people don’t like us, they are going to give us that look, thinking to what I’m doing is just a cheesy act done by teenagers. For this one, I don’t really care. I pity them.
I want to write about us..

Aah.. I wrote a lot about us
I love you baby.. I love you so damn much